Slow News Week For Harpers Review

-NASA revealed that the mysterious streak of light spotted by onlookers in the night sky above North America was a fortnight's worth of astronaut urine

-A Pennsylvania judge ruled that a police officer who orally violated five calves was not guilty of animal cruelty, pointing out that it was impossible to know whether the young cows were “tormented” or “puzzled,” or even irritated that the policeman's penis was not actually food. “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak,” reflected Judge James Moreley, “Would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk

-Marilyn Manson announced that he had swine flu but insisted he never had sex with a pig

http://harpers.org/archive/2009/09/WeeklyReview2009-09-29